There is no point ever telling a lie to your child’s school. Don’t bother pretending children were ill instead of sneaking a long weekend unauthorised holiday. If your child has spent the entire previous night chundering, don’t try sneaking them in. Because they tell their teacher everything. Absolutely everything. In fact, the bigger the secret, the higher the chance school staff will find out. They have a keen ear teaching staff. Safeguarding.
After the summer holiday of 2017, we as a family came to an agreement. We would never mention the P word again. It would remain secret for all time. Any time the P word was mentioned, frantic hushing would hiss forth.
That is until parents’ evening. You know that moment when you have squashed all of your backside on a miniature chair that is clearly not weight bearing and 30cm from the floor? The type where you have to casually and with an air of grace winch yourself out of again whilst juggling dog-eared literacy books smudged with stress and a little bit of snot.
And there it is bold as brass in that book. The extended Big Write about what you did on holiday. We Went To Pontins. And your dyslexic child who can usually barely hold a pencil the right way up has filled a page with blow by blow details of PONTINS. All the lovely things you did in the summer, the theatre visits, the beach, the museums, the day trips, even the plain old zoo, all forgotten in favour of the one place we swore never to speak of again.
Parents’ Evening Shame. Children always tell the truth to teaching staff.