{"id":13257,"date":"2011-05-25T10:58:21","date_gmt":"2011-05-25T09:58:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chopsybaby.com\/magazine\/?p=13257"},"modified":"2018-07-02T13:55:25","modified_gmt":"2018-07-02T12:55:25","slug":"talking-to-your-kids-is-an-artform","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chopsybaby.com\/magazine\/talking-to-your-kids-is-an-artform\/","title":{"rendered":"Talking to your kids is an artform!"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Tanith Carey<\/p>\n

If the answer to questions like \u201cWhat did you do at school today, darling?\u201d or \u201cHow was work?\u201d is generally \u201cStuff!\u201d or \u201cNot Much\u2026\u201d, it may well be that conversation is already a dying art in your family.<\/p>\n

After all, emails, texts and social media mean we now spend more time corresponding through cyberspace than communicating face-to-face.<\/p>\n

Now a new game aims to get us all talking again. Invented in Australia, where it has already sold 100,000 copies, the idea is deceptively simple.<\/p>\n

The Art of Conversation, or TAOC for short, consists of packs of business card-sized cards with several questions on each side.<\/p>\n

But though it may sound like Trivial Pursuit, the point isn\u2019t to show off who knows most. Instead the aim is to find out how much you know about yourself \u2013 and learn more about the people around you.<\/p>\n

The questions are as wide-ranging as: \u201cWhat\u2019s the best surprise you\u2019ve ever had?\u201d through to \u201cWhat gets you through tough times?\u201d<\/p>\n

More than just being just fun, co-inventor, Louise Howland says that simply asking about subjects you\u2019ve never had time to broach with your friends, family, partners or children can bring you closer.<\/p>\n

Beyond that, proper conversation is also absolutely essential for children. Thanks to the advent of 24\/7 technology, Louise believes that adults have got out of the habit of listening and talking \u2013 and ultimately it\u2019s kids who are paying the price.<\/p>\n

According to a recent survey by the Government\u2019s communication advisor Jean Gross, it\u2019s estimated that almost a quarter of boys – and one in seven girls – have trouble learning to talk because TV sets are left on all the time at home in a quarter of households.<\/p>\n

The end result is that kids start school with a smaller vocabulary, shorter sentences and only able to understand the most basic instructions.<\/p>\n

Louise, 50, a vivacious mum-of-one from Melbourne, Australia, who’s been in the UK to spread the word about TAOC, explains: \u201cAfter all, we teach our children the names of the river and the continents.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut we don\u2019t teach them what\u2019s most essential for a successful life which is how to communication so they can build good relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs parents, we\u2019re all so busy. The kids are going one way, we\u2019re going the other – and we\u2019re juggling all the time, so it\u2019s often easiest to put them in front of a screen. Add to that the fact that kids are also spending more time in childcare, and the extended family is a thing of the past. We have to ask ourselves the question: Who\u2019s talking to our children on a one-on-one basis.”<\/p>\n

But if we only put a bit of effort to talk and listen to our children, the benefits are not only immediate, but life-long, she adds.<\/p>\n

Letting children express themselves freely \u2013 and listening to what they have to say in a non-judgmental way, also does wonders for how they feel about themselves, says Louise, who regularly plays the game with her own 11-year-old, Rina. \u201cIt makes children feel important and validated to see that their opinions count – as well as helping the generations see each other in a fresh light.<\/p>\n

\u2018When children play with their parents, you can see kids\u2019 eyes light up to hear their grown-ups tell them something they didn\u2019t know about their life or experiences. You can almost see them thinking: \u201cWow, Mum\/ Dad really was a real person once!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut beyond that, there was a study done which looked for common denominators among high-achieving adults. The only common one they could find was that, as children, these people all had regular family dinners. We hope that playing TAOC will bring back some of those discussions that families used to have around the dinner table.\u201d<\/p>\n

In Australia, the game is not only used as an ice-breaker at parties, work conferences and homes. It\u2019s also used as a therapy tool inside prisons and schools. It\u2019s also been adopted by schools to get bullies and their victims communicating \u2013 and to help autistic children who need lessons in listening and making friends.<\/p>\n

It takes two years to devise the right type of questions for each edition of the game \u2013 and they all go through rigorous testing to get the selection down to the final two or three hundred, depending on the edition.<\/p>\n

Any query that makes players embarrassed or uncomfortable – or is that little bit too nosy – get axed. \u201cWhat\u2019s the most illegal thing you have ever done was dropped?\u201d for scrapped for that reason because Louise didn\u2019t want players to feel like they were on the other end of an inquisition.<\/p>\n

The original idea for the game came from Louise\u2019s partner, Norwich-born musician Keith Lamb. Keith emigrated to Australia in the early Seventies and became a household name there as part of a glam rock group called Hush. But when his fame waned , he found it hard to relate to other people. He had a breakdown and it was then that he met Louise, who was then working as a psychiatric nurse.<\/p>\n

Since then the pair have become business partners and collaborated on more than six editions of TAOC \u2013 including one for children – and versions for food and travel lovers. It\u2019s also been translated into French and German.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Although the idea may be simple, Louise said she believes TAOC helps changes lives \u2013 simply because communication is the source of all healthy human relationships.<\/p>\n

\u201cI had one woman who told me she didn\u2019t talk to her husband about anything but the family schedule and the kids. As a couple, they didn\u2019t have any proper conversation and didn\u2019t know each other anymore.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe didn\u2019t feel her husband was interested in counselling or sitting down and talking either. So she organized a dinner for them to go out on a regular basis over the course of six months and she asked him some of the questions from TAOC \u2013 and they began to reconnect.<\/p>\n

\u201cI also heard from a dad who was in that horrible situation of having his kids infrequently – about every second weekend. When he saw his children, he found it really difficult to get that instant rapport because he didn\u2019t hear about all the day-to day-things.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo he started to use a couple of questions from TAOC every time he saw them again \u2013 and he found he and his kids were much quicker to getting back to being close and bonded again.\u201d<\/p>\n

So does Louise have a favourite question? She says not. But she does have a favourite answer.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne beautiful little eight-year-old girl was playing the game and she got the question: When does a person become old?<\/p>\n

\u201cShe answered: \u201cWhen they stop making plans and keep leading the same life.\u201d For me, that showed us how much we all have to learn from one another.”<\/p>\n

To find out more about availability, go to www.taoc.com.au<\/a> . It\u2019s also available at www.amazon.co.uk<\/a> priced\u00a0\u00a310.20<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Tanith Carey If the answer to questions like \u201cWhat did you do at school today, darling?\u201d or \u201cHow was<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"colormag_page_container_layout":"default_layout","colormag_page_sidebar_layout":"default_layout","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13257","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bristol-news"],"yoast_head":"\nTalking to your kids is an artform! - Bristol News From Chopsy Bristol<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/chopsybaby.com\/magazine\/talking-to-your-kids-is-an-artform\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Talking to your kids is an artform! 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