{"id":18284,"date":"2012-09-21T16:34:32","date_gmt":"2012-09-21T15:34:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chopsybaby.com\/magazine\/?p=18284"},"modified":"2019-01-23T10:18:52","modified_gmt":"2019-01-23T10:18:52","slug":"chopsy-blog-what-is-it-really-like-being-a-single-parent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chopsybaby.com\/magazine\/chopsy-blog-what-is-it-really-like-being-a-single-parent\/","title":{"rendered":"Chopsy Blog: What is it really like being a single parent?"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n<\/a>In recent weeks, two mothers have moaned in conversation to me – “Oh I have to look after the children all day and my partner doesn’t get back until 6pm. Next week he has to work away one evening. It’s just like being a single parent.”<\/p>\n

Both own their own homes, one a stay-at-home mother, one works part time 10 hours per week.<\/p>\n

And in addition to this, I had the misfortune of having to hear two other parents moaning about how lazy single parents are. How they get everything handed to them on a plate. Why should they have free nursery places when they sit on their ‘arses’ all day ‘doing nothing’.<\/p>\n

Well, to enlighten the first two mothers, having a partner who works during the day – even long hours or weekends away – is not the same as being a single parent.<\/p>\n

And neither are single parents lazy.<\/p>\n

In fact, it is down right offensive to compare being in a relationship \u00a0– that may or not be perfect – to having the same day-to-day gradual grinding down and loneliness that single parents face.<\/p>\n

A typical day for me starts somewhere around 3am which is when the two-year-old thinks the best time to get up is. It’s all rushing, packed lunches, persuading tired children to get ready for school. And this is on top of being pathologically organised.<\/p>\n

Rushing to leave the house at 7.15am to get the bus to school to drop one at the childminders and one at breakfast club. There is the sibling fighting, the late bus, the overcharging bus driver to contend with and by the time I have dropped both off, I feel like I have run a marathon. But then the two-year-old is sitting on my back in a LittleLife and the five-year-old who has to physically hold his trouser legs to stop himself running. Everywhere.<\/p>\n

It’s a run back to the bus stop to get the bus and off to work. This is almost the easy bit.<\/p>\n

On a good day it’s seven hours of non-stop work with too much coffee and a coupla cokes thrown in too. If it’s a good day, there is no unforeseen emergency, no phone call from the school due to head injuries, no vomiting child at the childminders to collect.<\/p>\n

The school collection is not easy. In fact, to be honest, I even had Home Start help me for a while. My older son is having difficulties and the second he comes out of school goes into melt down. He doesn’t see his dad. It is gutting for him and he takes it badly. So badly he can only use physical anger to express himself. Of course, being mum I get it all taken out on me. He knows I will always be there for him no matter how badly behaved he is.<\/p>\n

Some days are worse than others. He may have a melt down because he quite fancied helping himself to some interesting lego to play with. Other days, he doesn’t want to see his sister, so he comes out of class and punches her in the face. To him it’s logical I suppose. She sees her dad. I don’t. I don’t like it and will make you pay.<\/p>\n

Somehow, this pair of angry, punching, rowdy children have to get home on the bus. I could be Supernanny, I can use my best middle class parenting techniques. I sometimes shout and bellow outside the co op like super chav. Nothing works.<\/p>\n

But it has to be a rush. It could be a dance class that evening. Or I may have to get back quickly to get them dinner before grandma comes over to look after them while I rush off to my second job. Until I get home at midnight.<\/p>\n

Job one pays the bills. Job two pays for the life things, the swimming lessons, the bus fare, the odd Doctor Who magazine.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I have to run out on another job, a third job on a Saturday morning before job two which is from 12pm to home at 12am.<\/p>\n

It’s hard. When the kids are ill at 2am, I have to make a snap judgement on my own. I don’t have a car. If I phone the doctor, I am then committed to following their advice if told to go to hospital. If it’s serious and I decide not to take them to the hospital because I don’t think it’s serious, I am negligent.\u00a0If I take them to the hospital\/out of hours doctor, I have to pay return taxi, get them all out of bed. It’s a bloody nightmare.<\/p>\n

Some days, I am running up hills with a two-year-old in a back carrier, pushing a sleeping five-year-old and three guinea pigs to the vet in a Phil and Teds.<\/p>\n

I think I cracked a bone in my foot three months ago. Finally, I am going to see a doctor next week. I finally have time. I may be able to stop limping\/hopping soon.<\/p>\n

I don’t own a 42 inch TV. I don’t own a TV full stop. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. Boring. I don’t live in a council house. I am pulling out \u00a3650 month rent for a teeny tiny place made of plasterboard that is totally unsuitable for children. Why? Because letting agents have landlords that either don’t like children, don’t like single parents because we trash their houses, or they want a dual income couple – no matter that one could be made redundant at any given time.<\/p>\n

I work too much. But no work is no money is no rent. And don’t get me started on zero hours contracts, designed to shaft everyone.<\/p>\n

This makes vomiting, diarrhea, chickenpox or anything that requires absence from school\/childminder a nightmare. No work, no money.<\/p>\n

At the end of the day, even if I had a partner who was working away, I could call him. But for us lazy, bone idle single parents, there is no one to share the stresses but also wonderful, brilliant moments of being a parent.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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