{"id":7139,"date":"2010-03-01T09:37:20","date_gmt":"2010-03-01T09:37:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chopsybaby.com\/magazine\/?p=7139"},"modified":"2018-07-02T13:56:22","modified_gmt":"2018-07-02T12:56:22","slug":"how-does-divorce-or-separation-affect-a-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chopsybaby.com\/magazine\/how-does-divorce-or-separation-affect-a-child\/","title":{"rendered":"How does divorce or separation affect a child?"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is our second article by author Allison Lee<\/strong>, on how to deal with difficult situations involving your children.<\/p>\n

How does divorce or separation affect a child?<\/strong>
\nBy Allison Lee<\/em><\/p>\n

Divorce and separation of parents rates very highly in today\u2019s family structures and the divorce rate in the UK is one of the highest on record.\u00a0 Divorce and separation can affect children enormously as they struggle to come to terms with the family unit they have come to depend on.\u00a0 It is not unusual for children to experience a whole range of feelings and emotions including:-<\/p>\n

Sadness
\nAnger
\nGrief
\nGuilt
\nLack of confidence
\nMistrust
\nFear
\nRejection<\/p>\n

It is very important that parents acknowledge their children\u2019s feelings and allow them to talk openly about the marriage or partnership break up if they are old enough to do so.\u00a0 One of the most important factors to consider when going through a marriage or relationship break up is the stability of the child.\u00a0 Children need routine and structure in their lives and divorce and separation will have a huge impact on this.\u00a0 It is necessary for both parents to work together to reassure the children that they are still very much loved and cared for however acrimonious the break up may be.<\/p>\n

Although it is often difficult for warring couples to remain on friendly terms it is essential that you work out what is best for the children involved before fighting over who gets what and how much the settlement is going to be!\u00a0 Children need to have their feelings and welfare taken into account and it has to be understood that, no matter how amicable a divorce or separation is and no matter how often the parents will deny it, it will have an impact on the children involved.\u00a0 Just how drastic an impact it has will be, in the long run, down to the parents.<\/p>\n

In an ideal world, even after a divorce or separation, both parents would see the children on a regular basis and have equal input in their lives.\u00a0 However we do not live in an ideal world and in some cases this is simply not possible.\u00a0 Some children will have to cut all ties with a parent following a divorce or separation, they may move to another area or even another country and lose contact with family and friends all of which will add to the distress they are already experiencing.<\/p>\n

Parents need to recognise their child\u2019s need to grieve for the break up of the relationship just as they themselves may mourn the shattered plans and dreams they have harboured.\u00a0 It is important that neither parent apportions blame to the other in front of the child and that both parents are on hand to help and support the child through this difficult period.\u00a0 Try to stick to usual routines as much as possible.\u00a0 Remember, although divorce and separation are often unpleasant they are not insurmountable and life will return to normality once everyone has a chance to come to term with events.\u00a0 The trick is not to hide what is happening or shut the child out if they obviously wish to talk to you about the situation.\u00a0 Answer their questions and concerns as honestly and as openly as you can within their boundaries of age and understanding.<\/p>\n

The majority of children\u2019s reactions to divorce can be summarised in the following ways:-<\/p>\n

Pre-school children \u2013 are unlikely to understand the full implications of divorce.\u00a0 They may appear sad and frightened when their parents separate.\u00a0 It is common for pre-school children to become clingy and exhibit demanding behaviour.\u00a0 They may show aggression and have problems sleeping.<\/p>\n

Primary school-aged children \u2013 are likely to experience sadness and grief when their parents separate.\u00a0 However most will also display anger particularly towards the parent with whom they are living.\u00a0 Blame is usually apportioned to the remaining parent whilst the absent one tends to be idolised.<\/p>\n

Pre-adolescent children \u2013 are likely to understand the full implications of their parent\u2019s separation however, because they experience pain and embarrassment acutely they may be unwilling or unable to talk about their feelings leading to fears and concerns being bottled up.\u00a0 They may appear unconcerned and seek solace in other distractions.\u00a0 Often children of this age will side with one parent and may even refuse to see the other.<\/p>\n

Adolescents \u2013 are likely to experience a range of emotions and may even withdraw from family life.\u00a0 It is during this time that some children may \u2018go off the rails\u2019 seeking solace for example in friends who may be unsuitable and have a detrimental affect on their wellbeing.<\/p>\n

Feelings of loss and isolation can affect the way a child behaves.\u00a0 Whilst some children will cope admirably, shrug off the past and get on with making new friends and may even look at the whole episode as an adventure, others will not be so resilient and may take a long time to adjust to their new circumstances.\u00a0 They may become quiet and withdrawn, fearing future rejection if they build up a new network of friends, or they may become attention seeking and difficult to handle.<\/p>\n

Although no one can really be sure how divorce or separation of a child\u2019s parents will affect them until later on in their lives it has to be acknowledged that marital break ups are one of the most common adverse life events experienced by children and over a quarter of all babies born in the UK today are likely to experience parental separation before they reach school leaving age.<\/p>\n

Grow Great Kids<\/strong>
\nAllison Lee
\nISBN 978-1-84528-288-2
\nAvailable at all good bookstores priced at \u00a310.99<\/p>\n

Orders: 01476 541080
\nwww.howtobooks.co.uk<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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