Are you struggling with boomerang children?

Student debt and the high cost of housing are two reasons why parents who thought they had an empty nest are suddenly finding their children now in their twenties or thirties back home.

The phenomenon is being dubbed the boomerang effect, and for those parents who are finding themselves clashing with their offspring once again, parent coach and former deputy head teacher, Sue Atkins from  www.positive-parents.com, has some advice for parents.

Sue says: “Young adults are returning home to their parents as they can’t afford to buy or rent their own place, this is when problems occur, not necessarily because the adult children treat the family home like a hotel, but often because they do not accept that their lifestyles clash, grate and jar horribly with those of their parents.”

Sue has these ten simple and practical tips that will make the transition to living together once again a harmonious one:

1. Do remember that it is your house and your rules

2. Do insist that your children make a financial contribution to the home – this will teach them to respect you as well as themselves

3. Do draw up an agreement on household chores and basic house rules – then stick to them

4. Do accept that you have to go through a transition in behaviour with adult children

5. Do insist they tell you if they are not coming home at night and explain why you need to know, e.g. peace of mind, security so you can lock the door.

6. Do set boundaries – be firm, fair, consistent and respectful.

7. Don’t wait on them hand and foot

8. Don’t treat them like teenagers and don’t try to control them

9. Don’t forget that as parents you are role models. Make sure that both parents are on the same side, e.g. if the dad expects the mum to do all the household chores the adult child will too

10. Don’t let bad behaviour go unnoticed – if it upsets you then speak to them about it.  Work out compromises, solutions and ways forward.  Don’t let resentment, anger and arguments build up.