Parents – It doesn’t get any easier second time round
We don’t really want to know this, but we suspect it anyway. And, as if we really didn’t need it confirmed, Persil Non-Bio and Comfort Pure are ramming home the message that for mums, it’s just as hard the second time round.
It’s natural for second time mums to be excited about having a second child, but hold those joy horses there.
As well as feeling elated, 52 per cent worry about how they are going to split family time fairly between everyone.
And of course, there’s the Me Time of which 60 per cent begin to mourn the loss of.
To help ease the transition into expanding family life, Persil Non-Bio and Comfort Pure are working with parenting advice charity Family Lives, to provide a set of top tips and practical advice.
1. Parents together
It may feel as if you’re run off your feet and can’t spare a moment but it’s vital to set aside time and attention for the other people in your family. What children need most of all is for their parents to have a strong bond, and to be secure and content. This means it’s not selfish to spend time on each other or take time for you.
Use family, friends and paid childcare to give you nights off or even weekends away, where you ban baby talk and keep your relationship alive.
2. Love, time and attention
Your oldest child needs special time too. Kids play up if they are ignored, when they feel hurt, rejected and angry. If the only time they get noticed is when you tell them off, they’ll learn to repeat that behaviour because at least it pays off in attention.
Children thrive best with routines – set times when they know, for instance, they are expected to tidy up and prepare for bed. Make it a golden rule that a parent plays with and bathes them, puts them to bed and reads a story every night. And set other, even short, times aside they know are theirs.
You don’t have to split time equally with your child, or your partner, to feel you acknowledge them, love them and attend to their needs. What you do need to do is show you focus on them, with eye contact, talk and hugs.
Share childcare so both of you have moments in the day or evening when the other is in charge of the kids and you can have even a few minutes to relax and do your own thing.
3. Double the routine
It may feel as if integrating one child’s routines into your life is hard, trying to keep two might be a nightmare. What helps? One thing is recognising that routines are really important to children – they make them feel secure and loved. And they’re vital for you since they help you keep some control of the chaos that seems to follow kids!
Some aspects of routines need to be set in stone – that you have a bedtime routine (turn off all media and calm down an hour before sleep, have a hot bath, read a story and/or have a chat) but be flexible as these do need to evolve as children get older.
You will find that while some activities seem to clash, others dovetail which allows you to give special attention to each child in turn – or share out the chores such as when you’ll cook, clean, do laundry and when you’ll catch 10 precious minutes for yourself!