What Father’s Day means to Single Dad, Bristol

Chopsy Baby asked Single Dad, Bristol, to write about what Father’s Day means to him. His frightening story shows how difficult Father’s Day can be to so many forgotten single dads.

“The day I found out my partner at the time was going to be having our baby I jumped with joy. I did not care whether it was a boy or girl as long as it was healthy. When the time was up we had a beautiful daughter and couldn’t be happier.

“For the first year things were peachy and I enjoyed my first ever Father’s Day with pride, receiving my first ever card.

“Sorry to say the relationship between me and her mother ended badly through no fault of my own. By the time Father’s Day came around again I was a single dad, homeless and having to spend every penny I had to get my Parental Responsibility and visitation rights, even though her mother had promised it wouldn’t come to that.

“Once I had gained all my rights, and with my bank account emptied and me still homeless, it took months of nagging the local council for a flat so that my daughter could stay over night. Until then I had to rely on the kindness of my family, staying either at my own father or sister’s home, but this put a strain on us all.

“By the time Father’s Day came round again we had our own flat and she had her own pink and purple room. Even though myself and the ex never really spoke, all was well or so I thought.

“It was when dropping her back to her mother’s house after a weekend stay that I was invited back in to what had once been our family home. I finally saw the state my daughter, her older brother and her mum were living in. To say it was disgusting was a understatement. There was  fungi about 3 inches tall steadily growing behind the front door. The house was filthy through sheer laziness and in hindsight I think I should have phoned the Life of Grime not social services.

“After a lengthy call and an hour long meeting with a social worker, they decided that it was worth paying the ex a visit. I chose to remain anonymous for the time being.  They sent a letter to the ex telling her they would be around in two weeks. This seemed odd to me as that only gave her time to clean up the place.

“After the visit had taken place, I received a call from the social worker saying the place was untidy but what did I expect with two kids running around. I felt a little let down but thought oh well she must of tidied up at least.

“A few months later, I went to drop off my daughter again after spending the weekend at mine. I found the babysitter outside smoking something that did not smell like a normal ciggy!!  I called  the ex and asked what the hell was going on? I explained what I had caught the babysitter doing. The mother was drunk and started shouting abuse at me down the phone. I hung up and phoned my dad  for some advice. He told me to call her again and find out where she was so I could speak to her face to face and maybe drop our daughter back as it was getting late and she was dozing in her car seat.

“I called again and she screamed that she was at her sisters and I was to drop her off there NOW! Mistakeably, my reply was “when you act like this and have baby sitters like that are you surprised social services got involved?” and hung up.

“I called my dad again as he was in the house next door to the ex’s sister. He came and met me and took my daughter back to her mother,. The mother’s last words that night were “ I’m going to make sure he never sees her again”.
When my dad informed me of this I tried to leave a message with the social worker but being very upset I don’t know how it sounded when it played back the next morning when they got in the office.

“When the next visit was due, I received a text from the ex saying I was not having my daughter. I called my solicitor and then social services but couldn’t speak to either of them so had to leave a message.  I replied to the text and said well in that case I will be turning up with a policeman and if you don’t let me have her you will be arrested.

“The next thing I know I got a call from my solicitor saying we need to meet as soon as possible, and you can’t have your daughter  until further notice. When I asked why she refused to say and we arranged a meeting for first thing the next morning. I hung up and wondered what the hell was going on. I then received a call from  child protection saying I was not to see my daughter or contact the ex.

“The next morning at the meeting with my solicitors,  I found out that there had been a serious allegation made against me regarding my daughter. when I was told what it was I nearly fainted and felt sick.  I was then informed that my normal solicitor could no longer help me till this was settled, but the owner of the company could.  As he was on a child protection board this made him one of the best in the country.

“We had to arrange when was suitable for my solicitor and I to appear at the police station for them to question me about what had gone on the day and evening in question. When the time came we went into the interview room and that’s when the police arrested me. I nearly fainted again as I thought I was just there to be questioned. After nearly two hours of intense questioning, I was bailed.

“I had to go through three months of  hell. I couldn’t see my daughter or even have any contact with her.  I missed out on a Father’s Day and her first day at school. I had meeting after meeting with social services, and when I reported back to the police station to answer my bail, I found out the charges had been dropped and I did not need to be there.

“I had to fight again to get my visitation rights back going through several days in court.  Since I finally got my rights back, I have cherished every Father’s Day since. I hope to look forward to many more to come, but doing the right thing for my daughter has proved to be a dangerous thing,  and I am always waiting for the ex to play the next nasty card.”