Great tips for new mums… Balls! Don’t fall for the myth
Chopsy Baby tips for coping with new motherhood
Don’t fall for the myth
Forget what the glossy baby magazines and books have told you. They are usually full of pictures featuring beautiful models with their approximately four month old model babies showing you life is fantastic.
Parents-to-be are fed codswallop making them think pregnancy is a wonderful walk in the park -albeit with some niggling side effects. They fall for the myth that this is a time where every day should be blooming and an opportunity for style and making yourself look and feel good. Of course, what better way to achieve this than to ‘splurge’ on a shopping spree!
Even packing the hospital bag is an opportunity to make mothers feel ‘more human’ in the delivery suite and postnatal ward. Women should be ‘in control’ – even when off the planet on an assortment of drugs. And every mother must remember to pack those ‘essential’ home comforts including hair dryer, straighteners and of course, make up to look good in those all important first baby pictures.
Falling for the myth that giving birth will be like a weekend at a top hotel simply leads mothers to disappointment and unrealistic expectations when it comes to what hospital is really like.
So roll on a few weeks when things are back to normal and new mums are no longer then centre of attention. The visits and gifts stop and mums are literally left holding the baby. Even when life is not fantastic and you have a raging case of postnatal depression, you check what the parenting books tell you. It could be postnatal depression. The model in the baby book picture will look beautiful, usually with her face cradled in a well manicured hand. Get help, get support the books will tell you. No where will they say: “Actually, sorry, we bigged the whole thing up selling advertorial space and this is actually what life is really like. Hard bloody work, no time to yourself and no sleep for weeks.”
Make their tea really bad
Someone somewhere was having a real giggle when they pictured this scenario.
Hello Mr Neighbour! I’ve just had a baby, can you come around and do my washing up whilst I sit on the sofa eating crumpets and watching telly. I’ve just had a baby you know!
Does this all sound familiar? The section of the book that tells you to put your feet up when you get home from hospital, usually accompanied by a smiling woman sitting on the settee doing naff all.
If you are exceptionally lucky, you may have a partner who can be bothered to help. Hell, you may even have some family who will make you a cup of tea. Chances are the visitors will come around to bounce the baby just after you finally managed to get it to sleep and expect you to make a cuppa for them.
Tip: If they do this, make their coffee or tea so awfully, they never ask you to do it again.
There’s nothing wrong with Alcohol
Provided you are not taking painkillers, a recovering alcoholic or trying to establish breastfeeding, there’s nothing wrong with the odd glass of wine in the evenings. However, if the odd glass of wine starts at nine in the morning and continues throughout the day, this is a sign something could be wrong.
When the going gets tough, avoid comfort eating
Biscuits, chocolate, pizza, they were all fine during pregnancy and in fact, the first few weeks postnatally what the hell? But once your baby gets to around 12 weeks of age, you really have had your money’s worth out of those maternity jeans. Time to stop stuffing the cake hole!
Coffee will be your friend, choose a nice brand
Coffee is simply wonderful for helping you to stay awake during those long days and nights. But be careful. Once the baby starts going through the night, beware. If you have drunk too much coffee during the day, when you go to bed yourself sleep will not be forthcoming.
If you lead a relatively Amish existence and don’t smoke, drink, take drugs, then a nice brand of coffee is well deserved.
Buy a dust pan and brush
If you already have children, then you know how a Hansel and Gretel trail of digestive biscuit crumbs turns up on freshly vacuumed carpets from the front through to the back of the house. A dust pan and brush will help alleviate that throbbing vein in the temple and won’t wake the baby up.
The invisible sound barrier
“Shhhh! Don’t wake the baby up,” will become an oft repeated phrase. Now toddlers are very literal and you will have to explain that though whispering in the baby’s room is fine, there isn’t a sound filter between the door frame and cot. Shouting or talking in the doorway will wake them up. It is also surprising how many adults think that talking loudly in the doorway to the bedroom won’t wake the baby up. And, when the baby wakes up crying, the offending adult promptly saunters off leaving you to re-settle the baby. Again.
Rejoice in your failings as a parent
Does it matter that the baby’s best dress is a George hand-me-down and they aren’t fluent in French sign language at six months? There is no right way to parent a child. There are however many wrong ways, but most of us fall into a middle ground. When cries through the supermarket tough. When your child learns f*ck at school and repeats it loudly on the bus constantly for an hour. Well that’s life. Tell people you live in a liberal household where you allow the children room to set their own agenda and boundaries.
Wallow
A tired and emotional moment is not necessarily postnatal depression. Being a new mother is an absolute test of character whether you are doing it for the first time or the tenth time. Those emotional flare ups are less likely to be hormonal and more likely to be triggered by a toddler painting on the walls with ketchup, the other half not doing the night feed as promised, or the Mormons ringing the doorbell when the baby has just gone to sleep. There is nothing like a good cry when things lose perspective. As long as you can get up in the morning, have a shower and feed the baby, you are half way there.